My principles, My styles and My faiths

If i tell myself: i am satisfied with my own performance, i will be probably cheating myself. Lying to myself rather than facing the real situations.

I admit that, i am some kind of competitive person,i like the feeling of being the winner. That is why i always work for the best. However, i found that i lost the feeling already, I even almost lost the faith on my own ability. The faith, which is vital for all my achievements.

Are you going to face your problems instead of staying regretful at the moment? I will take the first choice without any hesitation. The problem is: I am still looking for my problem. How it will if there is no problem on that? Impossible!!! There must be a problem waiting for me to be aware of that.

I don't like to comment much on my own plans. I will prove it with the outcomes. Staying confident and working hard all the time. My principles, my styles and my faiths.

The feeling of death

We may be able to give thousands of solutions, ways and even opinions to solve a particular situation. We may also be able to describe the problem as clear as we can and we thought that we are competent enough to face whatever situations.

However, things won't turn as we all wish when we are in the true situation. This is due to the feeling of fear and panic, our mind may not be able to think at all. You won't think to do even the simplest thing.

That is what i felt when i was almost drown in swimming pool recently.

I thought i am able to manage myself in a deeper pool since i know the way of getting myself float. However i failed to do so when i get into the water. The feeling of fear came to me suddenly when i saw the dark blue underwater world. The spaces really frightened me and the first thing came to my mind was to get out of the water!

In order to get out of the water, the way is to swim. It's easy for me to swim to edge of pool, which is not as deep as the center of pool. I did something wrong: i tried to jump for help. The more time i jump, the more water i drank. The water pressure made me feel hard to breath.

Nothing came to my mind but death.

I could achieve the edge with my silly displacements at last. I could save myself at last.

When i rested myself, the rescuer came to me and asked me a question: what's the taste of water? I smiled with him and replied: not bad!

My way of solving problems is to get myself to imagine of getting in the real situation and think about the ways. Now i realise that no matter how good am i in getting solutions, i still cannot get myself to solve the problem. Emotion will always lead me whenever we are. When i can really get control of myself?

It's still a long way for me to learn.

Amazing paper art

I admit that i like robots very much. It's normal for a young boy. However, i won't know what is Gundam, even though they are very famous among teenagers.


For me, the structures of the robots will be much more attractive to me compared to its defensive powers. The nerves, the vessels and every part of of robots, and even its every robotic movement seem luring to me.



Paper art, another artistic toys i just found even though it has been existed long time ago. It's equally structural amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ho!!!!!!!!!!




Amazing???

I am stupid!!!

Guilty. The feeling that i fear the most. That is the feeling that tells me i did something wrong.

I am always aware with what i am doing for the moment, however, things become hard to control when i am really in the situation. Minds wonder around as if out of my control. I am very confident with my self-emotion management, but why i always fail to do so?

I am very afraid of failures. Failures, failures, failures. Again, again and again, for how many times i have to repeat these before getting my success?

I admit that i am not calm enough to face problems. When can i do it successfully??? I am really such a failure!!!!!!!!!!!!

When can i do things by following my own plan but not my emotion???

Internal Affairs

My another hobby is watching movies. However, i seldom found movies there are worthwhile for collection. One of the movies that i prefer the most is Internal affairs, starring Andy Lau, Tony Leong and Leo Lai.


What i like is about the storyline and even the characters in the movie, especially the inspector starred by Andy Lau. He was not considered as a total bad guy, but he showed conflicts in his character. His real identity was a spy from a syndicate and his job was to spoil police's plan in fighting crimes.

The reason i like the character is not about the way he covered his true identity among cops. I just wonder: how he managed his true feeling deep inside his heart? Could he tell himself to do the right things all the time? That was not something a normal human being can achieve. The conflicts inside his heart would never stop as that was not his own choice.


Another person i like, Inspector Chan Weng Yan in Internal Affair, starred by Tony Leong.

A real inspector that would never forget his true identity whenever how dangerous he was in the syndicate. The scene that i like the most is: when the Chan knew Lau's identity and he made his attempt to kill him on roof, Chan pointed his pistol on Lau's head and said calmly: Sorry, i am a cop.


That was his last word spoken before his death. We can imagine how loyal he was to his cop's identity.

Hope you all like this movie!!!

What the amazing Lego!!!

I will never forget a painful experience during my childhood: My mum beat me seriously when i was caught from stealing a toy from neighbor's child, a small Lego man.

I have dreamed of having a set of the toys and that only came true when i reached my secondary age.

That has been a Lego exhibition in KL convention centre recently. It called upon my childhood nolstagia.






























Believe it or not? They are all made of Lego!!!

Homeliness

The second weekend i came back from college. My dad went to take me as usual.

As usual, he would ask me whether i am hungry so that we can go to have supper together. Even though i knew that was his excuse to have supper, i still went along with him.

My dad is a funny guy. He likes to use his only son as an excuse to do something he likes, just like having supper by telling my mum that his son is hungry. Or else my mum will nag at him again.

Two guys sat down without telling much. Just like two strangers having supper together. I kept finding out topics to chat with my dad, but i failed to do so. I just wondered why i failed.

People say i am a well-socialized person. That's true. I can mix around with people, even strangers without using much time. I can get topic to chat easily. But why i can't do it when i face my dearest parents?

Suddenly, i felt there is a distance between us. Communication gap always exists between my parents and i, but now it's getting larger.

Getting further from home, but i never miss my home. Soon homeliness may become homeless.

That's what i worry about.